Many years ago, I had a friend who was nice, devoted, beautiful… and in a bad, abusive relationship. Shouted at, verbally abused, hit, slapped… and still she hung on. Every time he would apologize, cry, buy flowers, and each time, she would take him back. Nothing anyone of us could do or say made a bit of difference. I lost track of her for a few years, when I saw her again, I was surprised to learn they were no longer together. Naturally I asked her what happened? Her reply?
“He broke my jaw.”
I want to talk about something that is a hard topic to write about, and maybe for some of you, read, but it has to be said because I see so many good people in bad relationships and it’s sad and painful.
When do you let go of someone in a relationship?
Have you ever heard someone whining about how much he loves a girl? Or vice versa?
When I observe people in this and many other situations, I’m convinced that most people don’t know the difference between really loving someone, and only being in love with someone.
It’s been a while since I wrote about relationships, and I’ve been wanting to write about this forever.
Here’s how I see it.
In 2014, my CNY post was about CNY as a second chance for reflection, to get serious again on your resolutions. I reflected on how quickly and frighteningly easy it is to lose track of time and the goals you want to accomplish.
I encouraged you to do a stocktake, consider contribution, and do new things. I think it’s an article worth reading again and suggest you do that.
This year, I’d like to focus on something different : FAMILY.
In Relationship Qualities Part 1, we looked at six relationship qualities that are present in some of the most successful couples I’ve studied. Today we’ll look at another four.
7. Physical Intimacy
Communication creates emotional intimacy, but in a loving relationship there must also be physical intimacy. Humans are creatures of affection made to touch and be touched. From babies being tickled, to toddlers having their hair tousled, touch is a way of communicating affection and love. When we got older we hugged friends. When we started dating we held hands. When we found someone to love we made love.
These are acts of tenderness that communicate something important to each other. Emotional connections are important for bonding, but the physical connection communicates love and affection in a way that is exclusive to a loving relationship. Without it, what you have is just a very deep friendship. Both emotional and physical bonds work in concert to keep people anchored to each other.